


Let Go

by Adi_Beau



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Asexual Roxas, Hurt, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Roxas POV, ace roxas, one-sided rokuriku, side soriku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:47:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24339889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adi_Beau/pseuds/Adi_Beau
Summary: Roxas lives in an apartment with Riku, a guy he simply cannot stand. And yet, he finds himself unable to get over his feelings for him.
Relationships: Riku/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Kudos: 15





	Let Go

I’m not exactly the brightest crayon in the box.

That much might already be a well-known fact at this point. I can barely do my job right despite how hard I try. I don’t understand how people are supposed to interact. And dating… It’s kind of impossible for me. And yet, I have feelings for someone even though I know it would never work out.

Riku isn’t even my type. He’s more willing to go out and do things, more daring and less afraid of anything. He’s kind of annoying sometimes. He doesn’t seem to get that I don’t always have the same energy as him to do things. We argue over stupid stuff and I have to see him every day because we’re roommates. Which also means that any time he wants to be social with people I don’t even know, I have to get the obligatory invitation to do it. Then everyone thinks I’m an asshole when I have to say no because Riku just happens to know soooo many people.

Enter Sora.

The two had already been going out for about a week at this point. Riku let me know that he was “going to have company over” for the night and checked that I was okay with it. I knew what it meant. I knew they were gonna go to his room and have a dandy old time and I was just gonna sit in the living room with headphones in because it was the furthest away from his room.

Whatever.

I said it was fine. Of course it was. I don’t own Riku and I can’t tell him not to have a good time in his own home. It wasn’t a big deal. We’d already talked at length about my feelings before and I was already over it. I also didn’t like the idea of sex. It wasn’t something I could get excited for to last for very long and it… repulses me a little. And Riku… likes having sex. So much, in fact, that it was all he would talk about after his last breakup which was… annoying, to say the least. That being said, it didn’t matter to me if he was doing that because I didn’t want that from him anyways.

And yet… When Sora popped his head into the door, calling out “HI, ROXAS!” when I hadn’t even met the guy yet, it… Bothered me. Even more than it normally would have. I already hated my own name and hearing it from this guy of all people kinda put me in a really bad mood from the get-go. But, I said hi, smiled, and went back to what I was doing, playing video games.

“We’re a little drunk, if you can’t tell,” Riku announced. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I replied.

They talked for a bit and went to his room, closing the door louder than necessary. I don’t know how much time passed, but I couldn’t hear anything, so I figured they were keeping quiet. Good. I didn’t want to hear it and I didn’t actually feel like getting up and grabbing my headphones. I just kinda kept to myself and kept playing games, trying to ignore the feeling of discomfort that wouldn’t go away.

_ I’m not jealous. I don’t own him. We aren’t in that kind of a relationship. He’s just having a good time with a sweet boy. He looks happy. He is happy. _

Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad that he’s happy. I really am. I don’t have to be the person to give him all that. I really don’t… I just…

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I can’t offer him anything he wants. I hate going out and I don’t know how to socialize. I don’t want to have sex with him. Sure, if we were in a relationship, maybe I’d let it happen every once in a while, but… He can’t just worry about tiptoeing around eggshells to make sure I’m comfortable. I’m also just… Gross. I don’t brush my teeth all the time. I don’t always shower and it takes a lot of motivation to even wash my clothes. I’m tired  _ all the time _ and…

None of this is making me feel any better.

I sighed, deciding I’d spend my time on a virtual island with a house I was trying to make look nice. At least it would give me something to pay attention to as opposed to the rhythm game that I was currently failing at. I smiled as the opening theme of the game started playing. I went into my inventory and got everything I needed ready before quickly getting to work.

Maybe 30 minutes of playing and I hear Riku’s door open. He stumbled into the kitchen behind me, grinning like an idiot.

“Sorry about the sound of all the crazy sex we’re havin’,” he said, reaching into the fridge for something to eat.

Really, Riku? Really? You don’t even normally talk like this and you decided that  _ now  _ us the time to get more ballsy?

“... I couldn’t hear you anyways, so it’s fine,” I muttered, clutching my game controller a bit tighter.

“Oh…”

He eventually went back to his room and he was gone for pretty much the rest of the night. Every once in a while, I could hear him and Sora laughing away in his room. I still couldn’t sleep so I went back to playing a rhythm game for a while. Eventually, I decided I didn’t wanna be up all night, so I started playing some lets play videos to fall asleep to. I didn’t have the energy to go to my room.

Sleep came to me easier than I thought it would. I was out the minute I closed my eyes. At some point, the sound of the fridge opening woke me up. I knew it was Riku but I didn’t wanna deal with him right now. My alarm hadn’t gone off yet which meant it was too soon to get up. I rolled over and fell back asleep. When it did go off, I started playing games again, using a handheld with my headphones plugged in.

Eventually, Riku and Sora were out of his room, walking around and talking for a bit. I looked up at Sora once or twice, trying to acknowledge him so I didn’t look too rude since I wasn’t gonna make the effort to say anything since I couldn’t even hear them.

They lingered for too long. My emotions were starting to become overwhelming. I was… sad? Hurt? A little angry, too. Irritated, for sure, and… confused.

I’m not supposed to feel this way. Riku has had guys over before and I was a lot more pleasant about it back then. It might be because with the others, I got to meet them first, but I still shouldn’t be resenting Sora all this much. I shouldn’t be bothered by the fact that any of this happened. I shouldn’t want them both to just leave and give me some space. I shouldn’t feel like crying. I shouldn’t want something I can never make work. Riku drives me insane and we just wouldn’t be healthy for each other, I came to terms with this a long time ago. I shouldn’t suddenly be wishing that he’d hold me instead. This is unfair to both of us.

I hate this. I hate that I like him. I hate that I get excited to see him. I hate that we live together. I hate that even after I was done moving on, something as small as this is enough for me to just get upset. I hate all of it. None of this is necessary. These feelings don’t matter. In another week or so, I’m gonna be remembering why I don’t love him enough to actually be with him. In another week or so, he’s gonna drive me crazy because he’s an idiot that never actually listens to me and he’s insensitive and tiring.

So why can’t I let go?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again! I know I've been writing a bunch of RikuRoku these days and it's usually kinda... sad. Sorry. I promise I'll eventually write them being happy together! I just kinda wanted to write a vent fic and I decided to use them since they're comfort characters for me.
> 
> Thank you for reading, though! Have a lovely day!


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